Remove the Negative Self-Talk

“Happiness and success in life are not the result of what we have, but rather of how we live and what we do with the things we have makes the biggest difference in the quality of life.” –Tony Robbins

We have all experienced pain and difficult times in our lives. Do you want to continue to ‘suffer’, or do you want to learn to put the past behind you, flourish and live a wonderful life where you are fulfilled and no longer focusing on and reliving the suffering from your past? You don’t need to bring your past into your current situation or your future. Free yourself from it, leave it in the past and create your future as you want it to be.

I know this sounds strange, but suffering is often inspirational. It’s when we are at our lowest that we feel raw, stripped away and have the motivation and absolute determination to change our current state and prosper even more than we did before our suffering.

You will feel more positive when you think about the blessings in your life, all the wonderful things and people that are in your life – your family, your home, the amazing/fortunate country you live in, your health and so on – and be excited for what the future may bring.

When you are more optimistic and have a better outlook on life so that you are no longer focusing on ‘what you didn’t get’, ‘what you weren’t selected for’, ‘what didn’t go your way’ or ‘what wasn’t fair’, you will open yourself up to the possibilities of ‘what is possible’, ‘what I want my future to look like’ and ‘what I am able to achieve’.

Don’t let yourself suffer too long after being heartbroken when a serious relationship ends. Once again, this is focusing on the past and what you no longer have. You are not able to change the past, so don’t continue to suffer unnecessarily. While you may be devastated for a while, you should then try to look back with gratefulness that that person was in your life for a period of time. You have memories and learned lessons from that relationship, and that person helped shape who you currently are. They were in your life for a reason, but you are also no longer together for a reason. Also, remember that sometimes we miss the memories, not the person.

Problems need energy to live. Don’t give your problems energy, and they won’t appear so daunting or big anymore. They will then be much easier to solve. Also, the best ‘headspace’ to solve problems is one where you have clarity, where you are relaxed and feel good. Try to get into that headspace (perhaps with movement and music, like dancing or jumping and punching your hands upwards in the air, as silly as this sounds) before trying to solve a problem. Watch your posture, too. If you stand upright and place your hands on your hips and remain like this for a few minutes, you’ll be amazed that after a few minutes you will feel more confident and ready to deal with a problem.

If you are stressed, upset or annoyed, this is not a good headspace in which to solve problems as you won’t think clearly and will not come up with the right solution.

Learn how to steer away from a suffering state (frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, stressed, worried, lonely or depressed) and toward a flourishing state (one of fulfilment, purpose, meaning and happiness). See suffering for what it really is, and realise that it is mind over matter and that you can free yourself from it. Life is too short to suffer. Why suffer when you don’t have to?

There’s always an opportunity to get frustrated, angry, annoyed or stressed and so on, but you can choose not to. It’s not worth it! When you choose that, you then put yourself into a state of suffering, and why would you do that to yourself? This can also take a toll on your body and health. Don’t give your happiness up so easily.

When people have gone through hell and experienced physical abuse, mental abuse or emotional abuse – many of those people, rather than being broken, choose a different path. They become hungry and driven, which is very powerful, and this brings about positive, lasting change. Along the way, they assess what their mission is –what they really want– and they do whatever it takes to turn their circumstances around and try to prevent others from suffering the same fate.

Decide to create an extraordinary life for yourself, a life on your terms. Ask yourself, ‘What is really going to improve my life?’ You need to use two tools to get you there: (1) The Science of Achievement (achieving your goal) and (2) the Art of Fulfilment (feeling fulfilled and being grateful).

If you are experiencing anxiety, you are not in a good place to make decisions as you are only responding to what is happening around you. Slow it down. Sit in a quiet space, sit upright, relax and take in a few deep, slow breaths. Hold it for a few seconds, saying ‘just breathe’ in your mind, and slowly release your breath. Repeat this five or six times, one after the other, and you will feel much calmer. You can repeat this as many times during the day as you need to. While music can be energizing and motivating, it can also be calming and relaxing, so find some gentle music that calms you, and just sit quietly and enjoy it while not thinking about anything else. Just focus on the music and your breathing.

The brain is designed for survival and driven by fear. It’s not designed to make you happy. Our mind is always looking for what’s wrong and is prepared to go into fight or flight mode. We might think that our suffering is caused by other people or situations beyond our control, but really it comes down to our own state of mind. It’s a case of mind over matter, though. You can change the focus of your brain, especially if your heart is what’s running you, not your mind.

Try to put yourself in the best possible place you can be: Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. When you’re in a good place, wonderful things can happen.

You are not able to change the past. You can only learn from it and try to be all the better for it, no matter how painful. You can create again whatever you are missing out on. If you’re heartbroken because you’ve lost someone you loved deeply, in time, when you are ready, look forward with excitement as there is another opportunity for you to love again. You can have more than one ‘great love’ in your life. Don’t look back. That’s your past, and it’s behind you for a reason. Don’t suffer, thinking about something that you cannot change. Instead, bring about the change that you want in your life now, today – and going forward.

You’ve probably heard the saying ‘Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.’ For many years, I didn’t understand how pain and suffering were different from each other. They seemed to go hand in hand as though they were a package deal, and I took it for granted that one was the inevitable consequence of the other. While we are unable to avoid pain, there are ways we can reduce self-generated suffering:

Rather than focusing on self-generated suffering, try self-generated happiness instead.

Are you suffering right now? Have you suffered today? Change your focus – remember, it’s mind over matter. Think about five things you are grateful for and really immerse yourself in those thoughts and feelings… and SMILE.

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